the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
