you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
