He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
