Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
