you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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