you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
