you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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