I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
