is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
