Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
