yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
