I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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