I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
