Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
