I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
