Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
