Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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