i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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