Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize