I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
