i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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