I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
