we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
