apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
