So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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