i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
