I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
