dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
