You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is Oprah even human
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
