So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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