did you get engaged???
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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