you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
