WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
