last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
