I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
