I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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