i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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