i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
