he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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