somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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