I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
