The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
