Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
