...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
