I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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