how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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