Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
