i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
