Sober January is a disaster.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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