you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
