Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
