He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's blow job season.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
