Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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