I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
