he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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