Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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