Whoa Z and x make the same sound
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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