im having a threesome with these popsicles
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
