I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
