he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
did i just pee glitter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
