hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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