you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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