Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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