would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
