Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
