just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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