Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
