apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
