there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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