It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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