I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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