can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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