I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
