We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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