We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
