She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
