can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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