And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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