i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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