My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
