Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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