I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
