I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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