you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
