Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
