Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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