the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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