I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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