Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I would ride that face into the sunset
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize