He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
