I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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